UFOsDoNotExist

UFOs DO NOT EXIST! The Grand Deception and Cover-Up of the UFO Phenomenon

I’ve been reviewing films for Gutmunchers for a little over a year now. Before I started I swore to myself I’d finish watching everything I was going to review, and not decide the verdict of anything before I finished watching it. This movie changed my own ground rule. I say this to offer full disclosure on the following review, and will give my reasons for continuing to review it anyway.

I’m a huge documentary fan. Up to this point, I haven’t found one that I did not watch, and on some level enjoy. And I’m also a fan of the History Channel series Ancient Aliens. I loved the Unsolved Mysteries segments about flying saucers and alien abduction so much; when they were finally released on DVD I snatched them up. I even watched a 90-minute conversation with Dan Akroyd about the UFO phenomenon on Netflix and enjoyed it (which I highly recommend, by the way. It’s called Dan Akroyd Unplugged on UFOs. He’s highly intelligent on the subject and a devout believer in the paranormal.). So I was pretty stoked to finally getting around to watching this.

To start off, the first part of the title is blatantly wrong. UFOs do exist. Let me say that again. Unidentified Flying Objects most certainly exist. I must have missed the memo where the term UFO was changed to a term that meant ‘alien spacecraft’. Let me clarify a little. So let’s pretend you’re a fighter pilot in the United States Air Force. There’s this shiny thing out in the distance, and when you closed in on it, you can tell it’s a flying aircraft, and you would later find out it’s a new plane Russia just rolled off the runways in Moscow called the MIG.

Or your jogging in the park, turn your head to look at the hot girl’s butt as she jogs in the other direction, and turn back around to be hit in the teeth with something hard that the kids playing in the adjacent field lost control of. You don’t know what it is until you’ve scrapped your incisors off the ground, but upon a little more investigation you find out it’s a rock they’ve been playing some retarded version of football with.

Those are unidentified flying objects, my friends. The idea that they’re all tied up with aliens is quite insane, to say the least. Now, I’m not saying all of them AREN’T aliens, mind you, but every object in the sky isn’t a precursor to Independence Day.

So this documentary already starts off on the wrong foot with me. And when the entire meat of the film is a guy with a boring, monotone voice talking over still photographs for two hours, it’s the best cure for insomnia ever. Now, I have to say, from the bits that I’ve seen, his information is fairly accurate for about the first 45 minutes or so. It starts with citing information from the 1930s on up and ties in Hitler, WWII, and the flying saucer boom of the 50s and 60s. I managed to get that far on eight separate occasions when trying to watch this. That’s right, eight. Every time I’d put it in, a few minutes in, I was asleep.

Now, I did skip ahead here and there, and to spoil everything for you, according to this documentary, UFOs are really a secret government program that somehow involves time travel and inter-dimensional …………….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……..

Sorry, I dozed off on my keyboard even thinking about this. It’s not interesting, and the theory proposed by the film is so far away from ‘slightly plausible’ that the light from ‘slightly plausible’ takes at least seven minutes to reach it.

Now, I’ll say again that I did not finish this film. And I swore that I always would. But after turning it on a ninth time to try and watch, I kept thinking, “Why am I doing this? I think it speaks volumes about the film as a whole, if I, the guy who can finish anything, can’t find the will to finish this because it’s so dull.” So I didn’t. Call it lazy reviewing if you will, but I know I gave this movie more than a fair shake. Discuss with me if you like at captainsethmoore@gmail.com

For what it’s worth:

0 out of 4

reviewed by Seth Moore