Thor

Thor (2011)

Comic book movies have come a really long way in the past ten years. For the most part, they were crap. Every once in a long while, we’d get a Superman: The Movie or Tim Burton’s Batman (which people want to poo-poo all over now but loved at the time. Hell, I remember when Batman Forever came out to mostly favorable reviews. It wasn’t until Batman and Robin hit a few years later that everyone started to posthumously hate the previous film) but for the most part they were insipid drivel aimed at taking money from fan boys.

There were good comic book movies though, but chances are you didn’t realize what material they were sourced from. The Crow, Men In Black, Mystery Men, and Road to Perdition were all comics before they hit the big screen.

Then X-Men came out (some say Blade changed everything, and while it was a great movie, it falls into the category of ‘Stuff You Didn’t Know Came From A Comic Book’. Or did at the time anyway.) and the whole game changed. Marvel started taking their properties that could be made into films seriously and we had a few good years there with the X-Men and Spider-Man franchises. Then they started to lose quality until the point when Elektra came out (that movie was so bad it made Frank Miller go insane and write Batman again until Robert Rodriguez slapped him in the face and made him work on Sin City). Then Marvel decided to pull its collective head out of it’s ass and put together decent movies again. Like Iron Man.

I know my timeline is probably off, but that’s how I remember things going on in the world of superhero movies. Anyway. Skipping past the part where Thor is in the same continuity as Iron Man, Iron Man 2, and The Incredible Hulk movies (because everyone knows this by now anyway probably, and if not I just indirectly told you) it’s the story about how the Son of Odin gets kicked out of Asgard and becomes the protector of Earth with his mighty hammer. If you’re going to watch this movie hoping to see Norse mythology accurately portrayed, I’m sorry to tell you that you’d best not waste your time. Some names are the same, and the rainbow bridge is there (it’s what connects Asgard to Earth! Literally!) but it’s all comic mythology, all the time. And it works. It’s an entertaining movie with a lot of spectacle and Thor fighting a lot of things, sometimes bigger than he is, and he eventually fights Loki. The acting is acceptable and Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman even co-star! In a nutshell, it’s almost exactly what I expected.

I’m not saying that in this particular case that that is a bad thing. It was enjoyable and I don’t regret seeing it. But the best way I can describe it is that it’s like masturbating; you know it’s going to feel good and that you’re going to like the way it turns out in the end. (Put that on the back of the DVD case Paramount! I dare ya!) It’s going to be fine and dandy if the latest crop of Marvel films keep going that way, but eventually I’m going to become desensitized to it and start craving something more. Something kinkier, if I may continue the metaphor. And it’s only going to escalate to the point where handcuffs and light bondage aren’t enough, and it’ll be a midget rigging a car battery to my nipples to get me what I want.

I liked the movie, I really did. But I have no need to watch it again. Check it out, see if it’s a one hit wonder for you, too.

3 out of 4

reviewed by Seth Moore