The Cook (2008)

Okay so here is the setup for this movie.  Over a long weekend the eight or so girls that don’t go to Mexico to party it up with their friends have to spend the weekend at the sorority house.  Included in this little group are the smart girl, her slutty roommate, the Christian girl, the lesbian that is pursuing her, and some girls that get stoned and kiss.  This is also the weekend that the new cook is starting as well.  Only the new cook is a homicidal maniac that kills them one by one and feeds the bodies to the surviving girls.  All but one of the girls gets killed and she gets her legs cut off for supper!  Not to worry though because the movie makes sure to wrap things up with a typically stupid “twist” ending.  Yeah I hated this one.

So let me start off the review with the following statement.  This is the kind of movie that someone who hates we the horror fans would expect us to love.  See the logic goes as such.  Lets make a movie where we show a bunch of boobs, have the girls talk incessantly about getting their “boxes” stuffed with cocks and the horror guys will love it.  Never mind the fact that the movie is so poorly written that I was bored within 10 minutes, is devoid of any comedy, and is filled with some of the worst dialogue ever.  I mean one guy has an extended conversation with his dick!  Tack on a hackneyed and predictable “surprise” ending and you have one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time, and that is saying something.  Oh and things aren’t helped by the fact that the cast, while pretty, can’t act.  Or at least isn’t good enough to overcome the lousy script they are given to work with.  The only slightly entertaining character in this movie is the Cook, who speaks no English and therefore has no lines!  If only the rest of the cast were as silent.

I will give credit where it is due.  Some of the gore in this movie is pretty good.  But even then the movie uses CGI to “assist” the practical effects, which sort of ruins them.  But there are a couple of cool slit throats and a particularly nasty hand chopping that satisfied my inner gore hound.  The movie also looks pretty good for a shot on digital production.  The lighting and sound are all acceptable.  See I managed to say something nice about the Cook. 

So I’ve said many times that it isn’t hard to screw up a slasher movie.  Show me some boobs and have a few good kills and I’m happy.  Well I was wrong.  See this movie gives both, but then buries it under a steaming pile of terrible dialogue and annoying characters.  Trust me it really isn’t worth trying to dig out the good stuff. 

½ out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer

© Copyright 2009 John Shatzer