Pontypool

Pontypool (2009)

Here's the deal:

Crazy-ass virus hits hick-town in Pontypool, Ontario, Canada. It consists of three stages:

STAGE ONE: You uncontrollably repeat a word over-and-over again. Not unlike some half-assed hippy who dropped one-to-many hits of acid or some random senior citizen with concernable signs of dementia. Apparently, terms of endearment, such as "Honey" or "Sugar-Tits" are incredibly suspect— yet, I don't remember witnessing this aspect in the entire film.

STAGE TWO: Your language becomes incoherent. Your complete lack of communication is painfully obvious to even the lowest of intelligence.

STAGE THREE: You become so inflicted with the undefined virus that you have no choice except to attempt to chew your way through the mouth of another speaking, unaffected human being.

Now... all that shit sounds cool, doesn't it? Well— it isn't! Pontypool is "NOT" a zombie feature. That mistake has been made by various filmgoers that either love the genre so much, or are so out of touch with it— both come to the embarrassingly wrong conclusion. Pontypool is more in the frame of mind as director Wolfgang Peterson's Outbreak (1995) or the shockingly true-story of Richard Peterson's literary account of the Ebola virus outbreak from 1994 titled The Hot Zone (Turtleback; Rebound paperback edition (August 1, 1995). But to be quite honest and unusually critical, the abovementioned material is so at standard (Outbreak) or way, way above the normal experience of horror (the novel The Hot Zone), that I'm insanely embarrassed to even be mentioning this title to you at all.

In the tiny town of Pontypool, former successful shock-jock Grant Mazzy has been demoted to local radio announcing. On his way into work, he runs across an unsettling stranger who quickly vanishes while continuously repeating the words he had just spoken to her. He begins his shift, along with station manager Sydney and technical engineer Laurel-Ann, with that mornings topic of "when do you call 911?" As the morning progresses, traffic reporter Ken Loney calls in with shocking accounts of violence and mass murders among the citizens of Pontypool. Eventually his phoned reports end with his own demise. As the three continue to broadcast and barricade themselves for safety, Dr. Mendez appears at the station to shine light on what exactly is happening in Pontypool to need a total government quarantine.

The plot revelation (which I won't reveal) on how the virus is contracted is so preposterous that I just can't suspend belief and get behind this feature. It's the heart of the entire story and, while it is an original idea, the incredible ridiculousness of it all makes Pontypool a complete failure. Having said this, Stephen McHattie's (A History of Violence) performance is, as usual, something to be seen. He's one of the great character actors working today and carries this entire film. The cinematography by Miroslaw Baszak is masterfully executed and is way above par for most independent horror films. And while there were genuine moments of creepiness that worked well for me, it's the disclosure of the origin of the virus that makes this movie a complete waste of time. Overrated and not recommended.

½ out of 4

reviewed by Bryan Layne