Pirates2

Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge (2008)

I need to give you readers some background on this one. When I received the press release that MTI was going to putting out the R rated version of the sequel to the most expensive porn movie ever made I just had to request it. I figured that at least all of the jokes I’ve ever made about porn movies trying to have stories could be recycled and that I might have some fun writing the review. So I sent the request in and sure enough a few days later it showed up in the mail. That really wasn’t a surprise, what was kind of surprising was how much the movie didn’t suck (this one is way too easy I would feel guilty).

The story picks right up off where the first movie, which I haven’t seen left off. Our heroic Captain Edward Reynolds and his busty first mate Jules Steel are off pirate hunting again after sending old Stagnetti to Davey Jones’ locker. This time they are after a pirate queen and her crew, who have killed the Bishop of Canterbury and stolen a very special pearl. This pearl can do magical stuff, like bring back Stagnetti from the bottom of the ocean, which of course they do after Jules is forced to show them where he went down (gah another one!). After much mayhem Captain Reynolds manages to stop Stagnetti and defeat all the evil creatures he summoned. The end.

This is a very goofy and simple story, and is surprisingly funny at times. I’m not trying to be mean, but like most guys I’ve seen my fair share of porn. In fact I recognized many of the cast members from their other fine work. I had thought that just because they had spent the money for better sets and production values I was going to be treated to a movie that had nothing by the boring bits in between the “performances” that normally exist in the adult movies I’ve seen. But there is actually a story here and not only that but the dialogue is decent and filled with some great lines. The movie doesn’t take itself seriously and it played totally for laughs, which it does deliver. The cast is a mixed bag. Many of the female performers (dang another one…) were obvious picked for there assets and skills not related to acting. But the leads Jesse Jane as Jules Steel and especially Evan Stone as Captain Reynolds are really quite good. Seriously they have some chemistry on screen, do a great job delivering their lines and Stone as Reynolds has great comedic timing. Now that said the movie does drag a bit and obviously being an adult film was built around those scenes (which are mostly all gone and really short when they are left in) loses something with them cut out. But for me this is a case of a film not being nearly as bad as I had thought it was going to be. Take that for what it is worth.

One thing you have to give the people that made this movie, they know what they are doing. All of the scenes are light, shot, and staged very well. The sets are incredibly good and include a nifty ship set that is dressed with some skill to double for all the ships in the movie. Be warned there is a ton of bad CGI all over this movie. From the ships sailing around, to god-awful looking skeletons, to a video game inspired sea monster the movie doesn’t go more than 10 minutes without it. But I will cut them some slack since this is being played for fun, and it is a freaking adult movie! It is kind of hard to ride a movie that isn’t taking itself too seriously.

Is this a great movie? No it isn’t. What the movie does well is to provide some cheesy, silly, stupid fun. So while I can’t go on and on about it I still have to be honest and admit I was entertained enough to recommend at least a rental of this oddity. Hell I think some of you guys might like it enough to go out and buy it after renting it. The rated R version will be available on February 24th from the fine people over at MTI. Check them out at on the web at http://www.mtivideo.com/ for more information.

2 ½ out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer