NeonManiacs

Neon Maniacs (1986)

So I’m older than a lot of the fans that tend to hang out at sites like Gutmunchers.com. And it always amuses me how many people “remember” how great the ‘80s were for horror. And that is mostly accurate. But as a teenager that prowled the new releases every Friday night (I was a very sad and lonely adolescent) I can assure you that the ‘80s had just as much crap as any other decade. Today I dust off one of those dreadful movies and review Neon Maniacs.

This is really basic stuff here. A group of kids head off to the park to party down with their bad selves. Out from under the Golden Gate Bridge comes a band of mutants or something like that. They wipe everyone out except one survivor girl. So they start to stalk her. This begs the question whether San Francisco of the 1980s was that screwy that no one would notice a band of heavily armed freaky looking mutants strolling about town. But I digress. So the girl bumps into the nerdy guy, who is madly in love with her and wants to be her boyfriend. There is also this goofy younger girl that is obsessed with horror films. Together the three of them do battle with the “maniacs” who oddly enough are allergic or something to water (they melt). This is helpful when the maniacs attack the battle of the bands or prom or something…

This is the kind of movie that really tries hard, but in the end lacks a cohesive plot. This movie is basically random shots of the characters talking, eating breakfast, and being angry that the grownups don’t listen to them. Tossed in between those are shots of the maniacs rolling out from under the bridge and killing people. Where do they come from? Doesn’t matter. Why are they so messed up and killing people? Because they can I suppose. Why do the cops refuse to believe them in spite of the missing officers, busted bus windows, and murdered train operators? Yeah that one I just can’t answer. If you choose to watch Neon Maniacs don’t even try to make sense of it. Just roll along with the “punches” as it were and turn off your brain.

You know what is really frustrating to me is that this movie had potential. There are like 12 of the maniac characters. Each one has a theme and unique look. The makeup effects on each is rather good. Not only that but the kills are well staged and in most cases executed nicely. Honestly the makeup effects are the only reason I would recommend anyone ever try and sit thru Neon Maniacs.

All in all I can’t recommend this movie. In spite of some solid and memorable effects the movie is boring. It boggles my mind that the writer of Pumpkinhead also wrote this turkey.

1 ½ out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer