The Green Monster (2009)

The title of this movie refers to the dumpster behind a convenience store run by a couple of cannibal voodoo practicing maniacs.  In an effort to clean up the bad side of town they start to kill and occasionally cook up the locals.  Into this mess shows up several different people, each with their own subplot.    1st up is a teenage girl that gives birth in the bathroom and is killed.  Then some teenage girls show up at the store to get some special chocolates that one of them is addicted to.  There is a strange bit where that girl calls the convenience store for help when her parents are killed by her drug-dealing boyfriend.  This leads to one of the friends of that girl and the brother of the pregnant girl to do some investigating.  That is until she is eaten by the sister that was brought back to life by the magic hamburger that the brother got from the convenience store…

More then once I’ve complained about an independent filmmaker not having a solid script before they start to shoot.  The Green Monster is another example of this.  Though I will give the filmmakers some credit because unlike most that don't have enough material to fill up the runtime they have too much.  There are far too many storylines in this movie and even more homages.  Just about the time I was starting to get interested in a character or what they were doing suddenly they are killed off.  I mean it is so random at times.  The girl’s parent’s being killed only serves to deliver a couple of hoods to the store to be eaten.  That seemed unnecessary.  Also the sister coming back because of the magic hamburger…  Really you needed a Monkey’s Paw reference? 

They tried way too hard to be clever and it screwed up what could have been a solid flick.  Cut that stuff out and give us more of the killers, Gerald and Molly.  There seems that there was maybe more to their story that could have been told.  These characters were by far the most interesting and when they are on screen The Green Monster becomes much more entertaining.  Plus the actor and actress in the roles had a chemistry that I wanted to see more of.  This is especially so of Edward X. Young who steals every scene that he is in and gleefully chews up the scenery (in a good way). 

Now they bill this as a gory movie.  To be fair there is a lot of blood and gore on the screen.  Every bit of it (other then the occasional plastic limb) is CGI.  And it isn’t even good CGI.  If I might suggest something to those that make independent movies.  Cheap gore looks much better when you use phony plastic and rubber appliances.  At least there is something real there to play off of.  Cheap digital effects are just terrible looking and ruin the fun. 

Sadly I’d have to say that The Green Monster is a real mess of a movie.  The script and plot are terrible.  The gore is even worse.  For a flick that compares itself to Motel Hell and Blood Diner (hey you guys put this on your DVD case I didn’t…) it just doesn’t measure up on any level.  Plus both of those movies focused on the crazy killers, which again this one should have!  To sum things up my biggest impression of The Green Monster is that it was an opportunity missed.  That is more disappointing then a movie that had nothing going for it.  I recommend that everyone pass on it.

1 out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer

© Copyright 2011 John Shatzer