Golden Temple Amazons (1986)

The movie opens with a lot of topless women riding horses. They get to a house and kill a couple of people.  Later we find out that the women were Amazons and that the people they killed had a young daughter, Liana that has now grown up to ride elephants and hug chimpanzees all while she is topless!  Seriously this character doesn’t wear a shirt the whole movie.  When she finds out who killed her parents she heads off to the Golden Temple for some revenge.  Along the way she picks up a witchdoctor named Koukou, and a few others to serve as fodder for the nasty Amazons.  They get to the temple and after a few bad things happen Liana gets her revenge and goes back to riding elephants, though now she has a boyfriend. 

This is a terrible movie.  I mean it might be good for a few laughs, but even that is a stretch.  The story is a mess with so many plot holes that I don’t even know where to start.  Years after Liana’s parents are murdered a missionary shows up to reopen the mission, but somehow never knew anyone had died!  When he finds out that Liana is still alive he basically says hello reads her father’s journal and then waves goodbye as she leaves for revenge.  Oh and for a civilization that has kept hidden for centuries the Amazons are sort of lazy with their security.  I mean they let Liana in with the king and never take her knife away?  Yeah that isn’t going to end well for the monarchy.  The only nice thing that I can say about the plot and script here is that at times it is unintentionally funny.  The Koukou character has some funny lines and them trying to coax the chimp into helping in there escape was sort of amusing, but then it goes on way to long.  Which takes me to my next point.

The pacing is even worse then the plot.  This movie has so little going for it that we see one scene after another of people walking, frolicking with the animals, and all sorts of fun like that.  I have to say for a movie directed by (or at least co-directed) Jesus Franco I never expected it to be this boring.  There is a ton of nudity, as anyone familiar with Franco would expect, but there is zero sleaze or gore.  Most Franco movies that I’ve seen manage to push the boundaries of good taste somehow (mostly with the sex and sleaze), and in that way are sort of fun on some level.  This movie is very bland and even lacks that bit of Franco goodness. 

I do want to give the movie credit for being shot very well.  The camera work is nicely done and the lighting is very professional.  I also thought that the locations had a nifty adventure movie sort of vibe to them and were way better then I expected.  So in spite of a dumb plot that will put most viewers to sleep the movie at least looks halfway decent. 

If you haven’t realized it yet I’m not going to be recommending Golden Temple Amazons.  This might not be the worst movie that I’ve seen, but it is the most tedious one that I’ve sat thru in a long time. 

1 out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer

© Copyright 2011 John Shatzer