Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive (1976)

The movie opens with one of the most memorable lines in movie history delivered by a very young pre-Freddy Robert Englund. I won’t spoil it for those that haven’t seen the movie, but I must tell you that it is all downhill from that point. The movie opens with Buck (played by Englund) and a prostitute. While Buck tells her how good it is going to be we get the most uncomfortable close up of a zipper that has ever been recorded in cinematic history! Okay maybe not but it did freak me out a bit. Well it seems that old Buck wants to have relations in a most uncomfortable place (Kevin Smith fans know what I mean). When she refuses her madam, portrayed by Adams family vet Carolyn Jones, kicks her out of the brothel. She is forced to check into the creepy local hotel where in short order the owner kills her and feeds her to his pet crocodile. Then the movie really starts! Actually the rest of the film is nothing more than a steady stream of guests that check into the seedy motel and are killed one by one. Included are the father and sister of the prostitute that was killed in the opening of the film.

Honestly this isn’t a good film. This is Hooper’s follow up to The Texas Chainsaw massacre and manages to miss where TCM hit. The plot of this movie is just too far fetched to create any tension at all. The idea that suddenly in one night several cars manage to find an out of the way rundown hotel that even the characters that live in the nearby town didn’t know was open. Also you have characters that act very strange for no apparent reason. It almost seems that there might have been more to the script that got cut. For example the parents of the little girl clearly have some conflict that really isn’t explained. I understand that this is just a horror movie but it seems like there were more to the characters than we ever find out. The special effects in this movie are pretty bad as well. The crocodile attacks are clearly just a large rubber creature with the actors twisting and struggling with it. This is not any better than the stuff that I have seen in an Ed Wood movie. The attacks with the scythe (terrible awkward choice) and rake are okay and remain mostly off screen. That being said there are some things about Eaten Alive that I actually enjoyed. Robert Englund is pretty damn funny as Buck and has some great lines. The rest of the cast is actually pretty damn good in their roles, which makes the weak script even more apparent. In addition to the actors you have the requisite number of topless women, which is a staple of a movie like this. There is some cheesy goodness to be had here, but it just can’t overcome what is really a mess of a movie.

1 ½ out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer