ChariotsoftheGods

Chariots of the Gods (1970)

Have you ever remembered something fondly from your childhood only to see it years later and wonder if you were maybe retarded as a child? Well that is how I feel after sitting thru Chariots of the Gods. What I remember is a cool documentary that goes into the evidence from the historical record that we might have been visited by aliens in the distant past and that they might be responsible for many of the unexplainable wonders of the world. What I see now is that Chariots of the Gods is nothing more than a thinly veiled attack on all religions, a dismissal of any ancient culture not from Europe (and by default white), and several enormous leaps of faith (ironic no?) in interpreting cave drawings and carvings. Wrap this all up in a package surrounded with what seems like endless stock footage and you get a really boring waste of time.

Now most of these “documentaries” from the 70s that discuss UFOs, Bigfoot, and all sorts of other mysterious phenomena have been discredited and really should only be watched as entertainment. I mean most of them are cheesy as hell, so they can be a good time. But as you can tell I really didn’t like this one. It takes some liberties with the facts and is kind of offensive on several levels. But don’t take my word on it alone, lets look at a few examples. First of all it discounts the ingenuity of non-European cultures from the past. According to Chariots of the Gods it is impossible that the Egyptians built the pyramids because they couldn’t have moved the rocks or done the math. Of course even back in the 60s people were beginning to work out how it was done and beginning to appreciate how advanced the knowledge the ancient Egyptians were. I mean is it easier for some people to believe that aliens came down in space ships to build the pyramids than to consider the fact that math and engineering might have originated somewhere other than Europe? Guess so. Secondly the movie points out at some ancient maps that show coastlines in great detail. Again it must be that aliens were taking pictures and giving them to the ancient mapmakers. There is no way they could have made boats and been sailing those coastlines before the Europeans discovered them. Beginning to see the picture yet? The movie also takes liberties with ancient cave drawings and carvings, basically making spacemen out of everything in site. Toss in yet another interpretation of the bible, this time with spaceships zapping cities from space and I found myself rolling my eyes as a bit of my childhood was crushed under the critical gaze of an adult.

Now if this itself weren’t bad enough Chariots of the Gods is really boring. Seriously there is about 20 minutes worth of material here with about an hour of stock footage of rocks, ruins, shorelines, and people walking around. If that weren’t enough every time they show you a rock painting or carving that “proves” that there were ancient astronauts they give it to you from 10 or 15 angles and linger on it! Really if you were going to do a feature length documentary at least have enough material for it. To sum it ups slow, boring, and kind of offensive doesn’t make for a good movie.

If like me you enjoyed this and haven’t seen it for years do yourself a favor and keep you cherished memories by skipping Chariots of the Gods. Otherwise you might end up wondering what was wrong with yourself when you were younger. This isn’t the cheesy fun time that I remembered. Not recommended.

½ out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer