Candy Stripers (2006)

Aliens have invaded the Earth!  Their chosen form of attack is to slither down the throats of hot women who then seduce guys so they can cocoon them up to do something that causes the guys to cough up blood.  Only the members of a basketball team that were injured in a fight at an away game can hope to stop the aliens before it is too late.  But can anyone defeat the super hot alien possessed Candy Stripers?  Can our heroes even make it out of the hospital, which has been quarantined after the first few bodies show up?

This is a terrible movie.  I mean I knew that it was going to be bad, but after reading the DVD case I was expecting to see lots of nudity.  I mean the movie boasts a couple of Playboy playmates for crying out loud!  But what I got was a bad movie with a couple of pairs of boobs seen on screen very briefly and a single girl on girl kiss that was okay.  But by no means is this the movie that was advertised.  The story is stupid and due to bad writing and no budget is full of plot holes.  Why do the aliens reproduce through the women?  What are the other victims for and why do they cough up blood and die after being wrapped in cocoons?  Just because the aliens have a sweet tooth why does insulin kill them?  Damn it where is the government after the Candy Stripers start to kill off people in clear view of the cops?  Sure I know this is a dumb movie, but if you don’t distract me with boobs I start to ask questions damn it!

Lets talk a bit about the cast shall we?  There are many beautiful women in the cast that are great to look at.  But they should have never been given dialogue, because as soon as they open their mouths bad things start to happen.  In fact with this cast I would of considered a retro silent movie thing to be a good plan.  Now to be fair this isn’t the worst acting I’ve ever seen in a movie, but that doesn’t make it good.  The production values are terrible.  The location is pretty decent and they do a good job taking advantage of it.  But there is no gore what so ever and only a couple of scenes where a rubber puppet covered in goo is wiggling around.  Several of these shot are done in profile with the “worm” obviously behind the actress and nowhere near her mouth.  But hey at least there isn’t any CGI!

If this movie had delivered the nudity like the case promised I could of recommended picking it up out of a dollar bin.  But this is an utterly forgettable attempt at making a cheesy sci-fi flick that while harmless isn’t worth using up an hour and a half of your time. 

1 out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer

© Copyright 2009 John Shatzer