Bitch Slap (2009)

This is a very simple movie to explain.  You have 3 very hot women named Trixie, Hel, and Camero.  They want to rip off a hood named Gage for 200 million in diamonds.  But when their plan goes wrong they end up in the desert with Gage in the trunk and with a vague idea that the loot is stashed nearby.  While in the desert they end up running into cops, a crazy dude and his girlfriend, and of course Pinky.  We find out that Pinky is the scariest criminal mastermind ever, and while no one knows what he looks like everyone is scared of him.  How do all these other characters relate to the story?  Fear not because we find out thru a series of flashbacks that everyone has some connection to the girls and the story. 

Rick Jacobson, who directed and co-wrote this movie, is trying very hard to be hip.  The dialogue attempts to be snappy and is filled with all kinds of “cool” profanity.  You also get several twists that are meant to let the audience know how clever the proceedings are.  Heck again and again we are treated to slow motion shots of hot chicks in tight outfits sweating all over the place.  Damn we even get some nice lesbian action as the girls are really into each other!  So clearly this is an awesome movie, if you are a horny 15 year old that is.  I mean I don’t want to sound like a grumpy old dude and I like beautiful women as much as the next guy, but really you need more than this.  The opening credits show scenes of other bad ass women from cinema, specifically I’m thinking of Pam Grier from Coffy and Christina Lindberg from Thriller.  Now I know this is the kind of movie that Jacobson was trying to make here.  But what he missed were the great stories that both Coffy and Thriller had.  Sure they were cool and had a lot of style, but there was substance there as well.  With Bitch Slap all you have is style.  From the gratuitous slow motion shots, to the dialogue that feels very forced the movie just never worked for me.  The story is way too thin to support a feature length movie and gets repetitive.  Not only that but the ending, which I’m sure they thought was brilliant, was way too Usual Suspects for my liking. 

Technically the movie is pretty solid.  The part of the movie that takes place out in the desert is really well shot and boats some good camera work.  I also have to say that the action sequences are choreographed nicely and are the strongest points of the movie.  The last 15 or 20 minutes are full of one killer fight after another and almost make the movie worth sitting thru.  But I really don’t like the CGI in the movie.  It isn’t even used for special effects, but is used to create the backgrounds of many of the scenes that don’t take place in the desert ala Sin City.  Sin City is a brilliant movie and even there I wasn’t fond of the look.  Here with a much smaller budget and shall we say a less than stellar movie it just looks dumb.  Plus why the hell did they put the Mach 5 from Speed Racer in the background shots of the parking garage? 

I’m not going to recommend Bitch Slap.  The movie does have a few interesting moments, but as a whole is completely unoriginal and derivative of so many other movies.  I’d recommend checking out Thriller, Coffy, Sin City, or any of the other movies that this one is trying to be like.

1 ½ out of 4

reviewed by John Shatzer

© Copyright 2010 John Shatzer